Unfortunately, that is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. It seems like I jumped on a time machine and landed in middle school. You remember middle school right? The time when everyone was “finding” themselves and learning how to be really nasty to other people if they didn’t agree with or like what other said people were doing. Ugh, I was so glad that time was behind me. The bullying, the name calling, the whispers and just downright mean behavior. Oh but wait it happens again when you are an adult. Don’t get me wrong I am no angel. I catch myself gossiping and criticizing others too. But I really thought that being an adult meant we were all going to try to act like it.
I try very hard to be conscious of what I am doing and saying especially around kids. They are so impressionable and what adults say and do in front of them they will go and do the same. I wish everyone would could try to watch themselves as well. Again, I am not perfect and things slip but when they do I try to explain that is was wrong of me to say or do that.
Back to us “adults” More than once I have wondered things like “Am I at the grocery store or back in middle school gym class?” Or the even better ponder “Am I at work or on the playground?” I guess I was wrong in assuming that people should and would be held to a higher professional standard when they were working. Between all of the tattling and backstabbing the workplace can get really old. I mean can’t we just do what we came here for? You know that thing called work; let’s try that. Let’s face it we are all different and unique human beings. We are not always going to see eye to eye and we all have different opinions on how things should get done. We don’t all have to be best friends but we do have to work together. Work can sometimes be stressful enough without all of this childish behavior. (I know I am not working right now; just basing this on fond memories) Sometimes when I go out and about I am wearing yoga pants. To me that is perfectly acceptable. They are usually black or grey in color and I don’t feel that they are too tight. Other times I go shopping I am wearing jeans with a scarf or nice top. Apparently the cereal aisle has turned into the catwalk and I missed the memo. I thought I was just at the store to pick up some cereal not be judged by my outfit.
I see tons of stories on bullying all over social media. These kids go to school and get ridiculed on what they look like, how they dress or their likes and dislikes. I like to follow my old standard “If you are nice to me and treat me with respect, I will like you back.” I really could care less if your shirt has a hole in it or you like to (gasp) read books. If you are nice and friendly to me I will be the same to you. You kind of can predict that kids are going to be mean to each other at some point because they are learning how this world works. But we as adults should know better.
Then there is social media. Ugh. I love it and I hate it. Sometimes logging into Facebook is like walking into the cafeteria and not having anyone to sit with. Then we have the lovely passive aggressiveness or the straight out calling people on their shit. Well guess what I feel it is better to pick up the phone and call that person instead of re-posting something that nobody really knows what the heck you are talking about anyway. Then assumptions are made and we are back in middle school.
Nobody is perfect and I am fully aware of that. We are all going to say things that we don’t mean out of anger or frustration. But let’s try to take a step back and really think about what is going to fly out of our mouth. It is a lot more calming and pleasant to be nice to each other than being rude and mean. You never know what is going on with someone else in their personal life so know the whole story or try to before you judge. We are supposed to be adults and be an example for others. Let’s try to do that. Maybe in the future we can just say we’re all adults with no question.
This morning I awoke way earlier than I had been planning too. When I looked at the clock it said 6:15. Dang I was hoping to sleep in until at least 7:00 but alas I was awake so I decided to make the most of this unplanned early morning. A trip to the grocery store was looming and after I had enough coffee to give me the shakes I was off.
I usually avoid the grocery store on Saturday and Sunday mornings because it is so dang busy. the new ad always comes out on Saturday and everyone is raring to go and get the new sale merchandise. But unfortunately the grocery store played a sneaky trick on me. They were running a special two-day sale that started on Saturday. Well played grocery store, well-played. The last time I went to the store in the morning some of the employees asked me what I was doing there so early. The reason behind my early bird trip was because I ran out of creamer for my coffee. They understood.
I thought I was well prepared for all of the chaos at the grocery store. I had my list all ready to go with the correct prices written next to the sale items and how many you could get for the sale price. I know I am weird but I have been fooled too many times by tags that were worded funny and people literally hitting me with their cart so I was hurried and didn’t purchase the right items. I had a slight sinus headache when I left and when I pulled into the parking lot it turned into a pounding monster. Cars everywhere and people acting like they had never been in public before and walked in a cross walk before. I don’t understand what it is about the grocery store or department stores for that matter that make people lose their manners. Who stands in the cross walk gabbing when cars are waiting to go through? Once in the store the crap storm reached an all time high. People were literally hitting people with their carts and everyone wanted to browse even though they had a line of people behind them. While I was at the checkout someone tried to squeeze their cart in between mine and a display of water. They barely fit through and I thought for sure I would get knocked out by falling bottles of water. I mean seriously is this how I am going to go? Death by water bottle while trying to get some hot deals at the grocery store? Jeez.
I know I am being dramatic but what else am I going to do with my little life? I feel like when you get to the store you should get a name tag explaining your situation. Kinda like the gym t-shirt thing I talked about before. My name tag today would have said. “Got up way earlier than planned.” “Has sinus headache, is on a diet and a budget.” Am I on a strict diet? Heck no! Well, not strict enough to stop me from buying those Red Velvet flavored Oreos. In my defense they are a limited edition. Maybe there should also be little checkpoints at the store too. Where you can scan your list to make sure you have gotten what is on it so you don’t forget things. Or it could help you stick to healthy eating by saying “Bitch please; those cookies are not part of your diet.” Okay maybe the last one isn’t a good idea. Also a small tape measure in every cart would be nice. So when the silly person that tries to wedge between you or your cart; you can pull that sucker out and be like “Nope sorry.” “You can back yourself up.”
Even though going to the grocery store was awful today I did have some good things happen. I made friends with an elderly gentleman in the parking lot when he complimented me on how clean my car was. I also had two funny little boys listing off all of my items while they were on the conveyor belt. It was super cute 🙂 Oh and I did get those hot deals. I am now the proud owner of 23 cans of cream of mushroom soup. Laugh now but I can guarantee you it won’t be funny when it’s summer and you have to pay $1.79 for it instead of a $1.00. Meanwhile I will be making awesome recipes with all of my cream soup 😉
If any grocery store owners read this or people in upper management seriously think about my suggestions. I think they are very well thought out and maybe even trendsetting.
You made it. You heard those wonderful words that every cancer patient longs to hear. You are in remission. You passed the biggest test you will probably ever take; and beat the big demon cancer. Now it’s time to celebrate! Hair is coming back, you are starting to feel better and your new normal is coming together. Of course you are still tied to the Doctor with follow-ups, lab work and scans but you are starting to taste the freedom.
The first month after I was told I was in remission was awesome. The chemo fog was lifting and I was really enjoying the rest of my maternity leave. Then the second month came and with that my looming scan was on the horizon. I am not going to lie scan day is awful for me. I am nervous and pretty much feel like I am going to vomit until I get those awesome words. You know the ones that your scan and lab work is good and you are free for another three months.
After two years of remission (yay!) I received another dose of awesomeness. I have now graduated into a six month scan schedule. As long as I am a good girl and get my yearly physical I can do my scans every six months instead of every three. Nice on the anxiety level and the pocket-book.
I may have played down the anxiety regarding scan time. The anxiety starts rearing its ugly head about a month and a half before scan day. There is a lot of me refusing to go to any appointments and coming up with tons of reasons I have cancer again. If you have ever had cancer you know what I am talking about. Your finger can hurt and you think this is it; my cancer is back. In the end I always end up going. Of course I am trying to read the faces of the lab tech and radiology techs. (Like the lab tech knows if my cancer is back by the looks of my blood when it is still in the tube) I am always sure that the radiology tech has seen cancer all over in my body by the look on their face. They are probably just creeped out by me looking at them all of the time but whatever. Then after a couple of hours that creep by like a turtle on its way into town; it is Doctor time. You just know your fate; the cancer is back. Then they come in the room and tell you everything is clear and you wish you would have brought a bottle of champagne and those streamers to celebrate.
Remission is something to celebrate. Not just after a clear scan but everyday. You fought the good fight and you won. You may not know it but us survivors are an example for our fellow fighters still sitting in that recliner getting chemo. They need to be lifted up just like you may have during treatment. So let them know; after surgeries, procedures, chemo, radiation and tons of testing you did it! Now you can call yourself a survivor and they can too. Remission life does have its ups and downs with scary testing and side effects from treatment but you need to enjoy it. Keep fighting through the anxiety and side effects just like you did during treatment. Get out and live life for yourself, your family and everyone out there still fighting. Really no one loses to cancer. Even when angels are taken from us they did not lose. They fought as hard as they could to stay and that is a great accomplishment. Now, if you are in remission enjoy the remission life and get out and live it. Do something you may not have done before treatment or something you have always wanted to do. I feel like I was given a second chance at life and I am going to live it up and have some fun. I encourage everyone to enjoy the remission life 🙂
With the Holidays coming to a close there are so many special moments that happened and I would love to just put them in a jar and take them out everyday and relive them. But then I realized that I can and I should. With the monotony of everyday life it gets hard to find special moments or remember them; but I think we could all use special moments everyday to make life better and easier. Ever since having cancer I really try everyday to live life to the fullest. To me just trying to enjoy life is living it to the fullest. Like I have said before; you don’t have to go skydiving everyday to live life to the fullest. Just doing things you wouldn’t usually do or having fun makes life better.
I know it is hard to enjoy life sometimes. You get up, get ready, go to work and come home. Once you get home its supper, clean-up, homework and bedtime. But if you really try you can find special in one of those things. Maybe it will happen when you are making supper and you use a dish that is a family heirloom. I have one of my aunt’s cake pans and it still has her name on it. Every time I use it a flood of wonderful memories come back and it is so special to me. Maybe it will happen while doing homework with your children. If there is a certain subject they have been struggling with and all of a sudden the light bulb clicks on and they get it; that is special. Every time Avery learns something new; that is special to me.
Even when dealing with loss there are so many special memories or special things that can make it easier. When thinking about my son I always remember the day I found out I was pregnant with him. I will never forget my Doctor telling me I was pregnant. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world 🙂 When I think of him I try not to always think of the loss; I try to remember the good that he brought and still brings to my life everyday. There are also two very important people who are missing from my life. They are my Grandma’s. They are both so special to me in their own ways. When I am missing them or wishing they could have met Avery I also remember all the wonderful things I was able to do with them. I do have some special keepsakes of theirs and it helps me to remember the good times.
There is special in everyday life sometimes you just have to find it. Slow down a little and take the time with the special people and things in your life. Put all of the those memories in your jar and get them out when things get hard. Find your special everyday. Whether it be in a moment laughing with your kids or significant other or a moment that you enjoy some me time. Whatever your special is find it and keep it.