During the struggles of life it is hard not to give up hope. It is actually very easy to give up; but don’t. Please don’t give up hope. Through all of the infertility, loss and cancer I wanted to give up so many times but I didn’t. And now I get to watch my daughter grow up; which at one time I didn’t think it would be possible.
Today as I gave my daughter a bath watching the foam letters float around; all I could think about was how four years ago I really didn’t think this would be possible. All of the little things that I get to do with her that would have never happened if I would have given up hope.
After we lost our son there was still hope. Hope for peace and hope for another baby. We were lucky to receive both.
When I think back to those dark days of chemo there was hope. Hope to be cured and hope to never have to go through it again. So far it has come true.
Whether you hope, wish, pray or do all three keep on. Whatever anyone tells you keep hoping for the best possible outcome. You may be surprised how truly wonderful that outcome can be 🙂
Infertility is the worst roller-coaster I have ever been on. It tests your relationships not only with your partner but with friends and family. Once you get married people think that you should automatically be pregnant. I think people assume that after the wedding you just poof become pregnant. Well for some people that doesn’t happen that way. I found out I was one of them.
Our story begins in September 2008. My husband and I decided to start to try to have a baby. We both expected it to go quickly. He had a son from a previous relationship and I had never had any gynecological problems. We went eight months with nothing then in May of 2009 I woke up with cramps and heavy bleeding. Without a pregnancy test we will never know but after a visit with my provider our best guess is that I had a miscarriage. At that time I really started to wonder why we had not had a successful pregnancy. Well unfortunately you have to wait until a year has passed before anyone will consider infertility an option or problem. So, a year or so went by with no luck I decided to see an obgyn that specialized in infertility. Well he turned out to be no help at all and told me there was nothing wrong with me and to keep trying. I left that appointment feeling so disappointed; I really didn’t know where to turn after that. Luckily, my best friend convinced me to see the Doctor that she was working for at the time. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made. She immediately wanted to get to the bottom of it. After some testing and suggestions with no luck she contacted another ob at a larger facility. That Doctor wanted me to get some lab work done and have my prolactin level tested. When the results came back my prolactin level was higher than it should have been. So I was put on Bromocriptine to regulate my prolactin level and to help me get pregnant. After being on Bromocriptine for a while I started taking Clomid which is a drug that is used to stimulate ovulation. Well, that wasn’t working either. Fast forward to February 2011 we had decided to go ahead and do an IUI. An IUI is a procedure where sperm is inserted directly into a woman’s uterus. So after many ultrasounds to make sure I had enough eggs we were ready to do the IUI. A couple of weeks after the procedure I got my period. I was crushed I really thought that this was our shot and we missed it. After all of the money we had spent on fertility drugs, doctor appointments and ultrasounds I wasn’t sure we could afford IVF. So we decided to take a “break” from trying and save up for IVF. For some reason I had my period on and off for three months and no one could really figure out why. I was feeling faint all of the time and my prolactin level shot up higher than it had ever been before. I always had problems with headaches and migraines but they were awful when I would take Clomid. I kept pushing through because I so desperately wanted a baby. Then all of a sudden I stopped bleeding and life kind of went back to normal.
In July of 2011 I found out I was pregnant. Finally it worked I was going to be a mother!! I can’t even describe the happiness and love I felt when my Doctor called to tell me the great news 😀 Unfortunately my son was born sleeping in September.
After we had our son we knew we wanted to try again. I was prepared for the long fight we had ahead of us. But by some miracle I became pregnant with our daughter in March of 2012. We didn’t have to do anything besides the obvious; no drugs or procedures. She was born in October of that year and she is wonderful ❤
When I was pregnant with my son I wasn’t sure if I could go through the infertility treatments again. I thought if I could have just one little miracle child that might be good enough. I always wanted more children but I wasn’t sure if we could go through it all again. The Doctor that performed the IUI said most people she does this for come in five years later asking her to make it stop. She was kind of a goof. She said sometimes all it takes is your body to be able to get pregnant and then bam it’s like it finally woke up and it can do it on it’s own.
I mentioned before that relationships can be tested during infertility. Our marriage was tested big time. You kind of feel like a failure. Everyone else on God’s green earth can get pregnant except for you. The hormones and drugs you take make you feel crazy in turn that crazy comes out on the person you live with. Let’s just say things could get a little hairy and some situations arose. Also friends and family sometimes act a little weird around you. People don’t want to tell you when they are pregnant or other people in your circle are pregnant. I know they mean well and are only trying to look out for you. I appreciate everyone for looking out for me and listening to me during the rough times. It is nice to have good friends and family. For me I tried to stay positive. I wanted to be involved when people around me that were expecting. I was truly happy for them. It is a little hard I am not going to lie but I didn’t want to be Debbie Downer. The people that really made me mad and do to this day are the ones that are on drugs and can pop out kids like a vending machine. That drives me crazy!! There are so many people that experience infertility that are wonderful people and would make wonderful parents but instead these people that care more about drugs then their kids keep having them. AHHHHHH it drives me nuts!! But moving on lets just say infertility sucks.
My advice to anyone experiencing infertility is to keep pushing forward as much as you can. If you feel like you are at the end of your rope take a break. Sometimes when you do that a little miracle happens ❤ It is totally okay to freak out, get upset and shed some tears. With all of the hormones running through your body I think you are entitled. For the love of God don’t give up HOPE. Miracles happen everyday!! I know that is true I have experienced two of them 🙂 When you finally get pregnant or adopt it is the most wonderful feeling in the world!! I have never adopted but I know people that have and they love it!! When you hold your bundle for the first time all of the treatments and other business you went through is totally worth it 🙂