It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!

It’s the most happiest time of the year; ding-dong, ding-dong!! Cranberry Sprite is here!! Ding dong, ding-dong!! Yes folks I am enjoying my first Cranberry Sprite of the year. I know it’s been out for a while but I finally purchased some last night. No, this post is not all about Cranberry Sprite but I do kinda want to shout off the rooftops about it 😉

I have finally started getting ready for Christmas. I think the shopping is done and we even put up our tree. It is half decorated because of Avery but it’s up. This year we even added a tree skirt. Mostly because of Percy. Percy loves Christmas tree water; it’s like gold to him. I was a little scared of him last night when he figured out he couldn’t get to his fave watering hole. But I woke up this morning and so far all is well. We even hung the stockings with care at the highest point we could find.

Since we put the tree up and I was feeling festive I told the kids they could open one present early. It was pretty easy for step-son to pick which one since I only had one wrapped 😉 I didn’t have any of Avery’s wrapped so she ended up getting her Deema doll. Deema is from the Bubble Guppies and Avery loves her. I guess wrapping presents is on the future agenda.

Now it’s time to start planning for the meal I am supposed to be making on Wednesday. I know I should have been thinking about this a long time ago but I have been a big procrastinator this year. Husband is getting a ham from the company he is working for so I will be making that. (I just have to find something for me to eat because we all know how I feel about ham.) It’s a little scary making a main dish that you don’t eat because you have to rely on the opinion of others and sometimes they are not truthful. I have made ham before and they all say it is very good; but is it really or are they trying to spare my feelings? I guess the jokes on them if they don’t like it because I keep making it 😉 If it was up to me we would have Cranberry Sprite and Cupcake Moscato D’ Asti for dinner. If you do like Moscato once in a while or a little more than that I definitely recommend Cupcake Moscato. It is wonderful 🙂 But unfortunately these people want to eat too so I will have to come up with a little more than drinks. I am a little stuck on the potatoes too; since we are having ham it seems logical to have ham gravy. But why in the world I want to miss out on mashed potatoes too? I will have to come up with a plan for that one. I think some of the reason I am procrastinating is because making a big meal is a lot of work. All of the planning, shopping and making of the food makes me want to hibernate for the winter. So I gave myself an early present this year. I decided that since I am making the meal on Wednesday I am not making supper tonight or tomorrow. I haven’t told anyone else yet so we will see how it goes. I really think that it is only fair so if anyone else wants to jump on my no making supper train until Christmas; hop on and enjoy this blissful ride 😉

This year on Christmas day we have nowhere to go so I am planning a little surprise for us. Since husband loves Will Ferrell  we are going to watch Elf, eat leftovers, play with presents and maybe even do some baking. I know you are probably thinking “Why in the world are you baking on Christmas?!?” Well, I haven’t done any yet. The last time I baked was the end of November. So it sounds like a perfect day to do some baking. We have never had a Christmas day where we had nothing planned and I am so excited to have a lazy day at home where we can just enjoy time together 😀 I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas and enjoy the day with family and friends!!

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It’s only just begun….

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Oh Cranberry Sprite, how I adore thee

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Why I try to be thankful everyday

After the slew of things that have happened to us over the years and the demands of everyday life sometimes I forget to be thankful for what we have. I try everyday to remind myself to be thankful. Here are a couple of situations that arise that make me think about what to be thankful for:

  • When days get frustrating with my daughter (like right now when she is climbing on me while I type) I think about what life was like without her and I am so thankful to have her.
  • When I miss my son so terribly it hurts. I think about the days of Clomid, negative pregnancy tests and procedures. It reminds me of how happy he made me when he was in my belly and how much he taught me about love and life. I also know I will see him again someday ❤
  • When I get sick I think about what life was like during chemo. A little sinus infection pales in comparison to all of the days and nights when I felt like absolute garbage.
  • When I get frustrated with my new hair. I think about the days when I had none or very little. I also know how lucky I am that mine came back.
  • When I open the checkbook and my stomach falls to the floor. I think about how lucky I am to have a warm place to live that we own and to be able to stay home with my daughter.
  • When Christmas gets expensive. I am thankful to have family to buy for and the real reason for the season.
  • When my body is sore and out of whack I think about chemo. I actually am thankful for chemo because without it I might not be here to type this.
  • When I get upset about not being able to have more children of my own I think about my hysterectomy. If it wasn’t for my hysterectomy I wouldn’t be here to raise the one that I have here with me.
  • When I wonder why in the heck I am blogging. I think about the followers I have and the thoughts that are out of my head and on paper. I also think about the people who have messaged me, etc and told me how my blog has made them smile or feel better. For all of those I am thankful.

What makes you thankful? I am sure I have tons more but these are the ones that come to mind 🙂

 

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This little foot print makes my heart smile everyday 🙂

 

What to do when Christmas gets hard

I wish I had the perfect answer or solution on what to do during the holidays when a very important person is missing. Some magical way to take the pain of loss away would be wonderful. Even though I miss my son everyday besides his Birthday, Christmas is always the hardest time. I see tons of toys, clothes and other items I wish I could but him. I wish he was here to help decorate the tree, bake cookies and open presents Christmas morning. But he’s not and sometimes that is a very hard reality. As I have mentioned before when you lose a child you feel like you don’t get do anything for them anymore. While I am out shopping and spending time with Avery I wish there was something I could do for Mason. I want to be able to take care of him but I can’t. So I have to come with ways that make it feel like I am still doing things for him.

For Avery’s two-year pictures I brought Mason’s teddy bear along. Our photographer did an amazing job incorporating the teddy bear into the pictures. When I received my disk of pictures and popped them in the computer I was so happy to see the beautiful pictures. There is one in particular that is absolutely stunning. In the picture everything is black and white except for the teddy bear. Avery is sitting on the ground looking down and the teddy bear is sitting up high like it is looking over her. I like to think Mason does look over all of us and this picture cemented that for me. I just recently made a desktop plaque out of this picture on Shutterfly and I just got it in the mail yesterday. It looks perfect ❤

Another thing I have started doing is lighting a candle every morning for Mason. I have a candle that is battery operated and you can set it for four or eight hours. Once you set it comes on at the same time everyday. So every morning from 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. my candle comes on. Most of the time I am the only one awake for a little while at that time so we get to spend a little time together before the day starts. It kind of makes me feel like he is here with me.

Going through pictures can sometimes be upsetting and other times can be nice. Since I made that plaque I have been thinking about getting a canvas print of the picture of the balloons we let go on Mason’s Birthday. Today I actually made one and it is in my cart ready to go 🙂 I can’t wait to hang it on my wall. I know being able to look at that hanging on my wall will make me happy for two reasons: #1 I was able to do something for him. #2 Even though his Birthday can make me sad that was actually a pretty good day and the balloon release was perfect.

I definitely don’t have a solution to making the Holidays easier when you are missing a loved one but I hope these help. I hope you can find a picture of a really great day you had together or light a candle and it will make you feel better. Or just talking about the good times; that always helps. I always say only do what you are comfortable with so if you have something that really works for you go with it. If you have any stories to share or things that make you feel better feel free to comment. I am always up for new ideas to try 🙂 I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas!

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Our perfect picture 🙂 Sorry about the glare

 

 

 

Is this really Christmas?

I have been thinking about this post all day and I have finally gathered up the courage to write it. There have been a few of my posts that I have a small panic attack when I hit publish. I really don’t mean to offend anyone by my posts but I do try to say how I really feel. I am moonlighting at personal trainers because I didn’t want to rethink writing this anymore so I hopped off of the elliptical and here we are.With all of that being said here goes nothing.

As I watch all of the black Friday sales being released I sit back and think why in the world would I want to go out and possibly get trampled just for a gift. I have never been black Friday shopping and maybe I am just too lazy to go. The thought of hundreds of people running to get 50 t.v.’s does not appeal to me. I would rather be curled up on the couch watching White Christmas. I tried to participate in cyber Monday and ended up deleting my cart cause it took to long. Maybe I don’t have the patience. I like to save money as much as the next person but I am not going to leave the comfort of my home or my Thanksgiving dinner to go save a little cash. I also have a very big love for shopping but it ain’t gonna pull me away from that turkey.

Another piece of this Christmas puzzle that has been on my mind is the money being spent on it. Maybe it’s because funds are a little sketchy right now after some car repairs. Or maybe I have finally had enough of the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping. I have been out a couple of times already and let me tell ya it’s a jungle out there. Everyone is super crabby; employees, fellow shoppers and me. Carts are being crammed into aisles and shelves are being wiped out. Of course I want to be able to get my daughter and step-son the things they want and need but should I really go broke for it? I would never want them to feel worry about money or anything like that when they are children but should I teach them it is okay to go into debt for some toys? I am guilty of overspending in the past and going way overboard on Christmas shopping. But this year I just really don’t want to.

When I was little there were a couple of things that I looked forward to about Christmas. Of course toys was one but I also looked forward to seeing all of my cousins and the Christmas eve program at my church. I loved getting all dressed up, doing the program and the candlelit service. After church we would get brown paper bags with popcorn balls, peanuts and some other candy. I loved getting that bag. If you asked me today what I got for Christmas when I was five I wouldn’t have a clue but I still remember sitting in that church and enjoying that service.

To me Christmas is about family and of course the big reason for the season. I don’t make it to church every Sunday and I probably don’t go as much as I should but I want my daughter to know what Christmas is about. It’s not about spending your whole paycheck and maxing out your credit cards. It’s about celebrating a very important Birthday and spending it with those you love. To me that is really Christmas.