Be the bigger person

I have always had a hard time being the bigger person. In every situation instead of stepping back I react right away. After it’s all said and done I wonder “What would have happened if I had just stepped back and thought if the situation really called for a reaction?” Sometimes it is better to be a person of few words than a person of many.

I have decided to try this new me out. The me that doesn’t overreact but stops and assess the situation first. Sometimes that is what people want is a reaction. They want the argument or bad blood to continue because they feed off of that. In turn your world gets turned upside down by this disagreement or past feelings. We need to start thinking “Is this really worth it?” “Do we need to react and drudge up these sour feelings again?” “Maybe we can let a sleeping dog lie and move on.”

Of course there are obvious situations where things need to be worked out. If it’s an argument with your kids, husband, friend or co-worker that needs to be resolved to move on than yes get it out and hash it out. But if it’s with an acquaintance or someone you really have no plans of speaking to again do you really need to have the argument? I am starting to think no. Life is too short to be wrapped up in arguments and disagreements. It’s time to start moving on and letting go.

I am one of those people who beat a subject to death. If I am upset about something I obsess over it and think about it constantly. Since I have been trying out the “new” me I have not been doing that as much. It’s not worth the stress or time it takes. Stress can do a lot of harm to your body and life. It’s time to stop the stress of things or situations you have no control over. Sometimes you just don’t understand another’s point of view or you simply do not get along with someone. That’s okay. Be the bigger person and walk away.

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Don’t Bring Me Down

I can’t help but see the mom bashing on social media, blogs, internet and everyday life. It seems like everyone has an opinion on what everyone else is doing. Whether you are a working mom or stay at home mom we are still moms. Whether you breast feed, bottle feed, cloth diaper or buy disposable diapers we are still the same. It makes me wonder why does there have to be so much tension?

In my eyes everyone has a right to their own opinion. But why do we feel the need to voice it in a negative way. Being a mother in this day and age is hard enough without added pressure from people who are our peers. We should be lifting each other up instead of bringing each other down.

When I chose not to breastfeed I had to explain myself up and down to tons of people. My reasoning was a little longer than  saying it doesn’t work for me or I don’t produce enough milk. I was to undergo chemo two weeks after I had my daughter. I had a couple of options. The first was to breastfeed for two weeks and then stop. With that came running the risk of getting an infection and then postponing chemo. The second was to breastfeed through chemo. I did not feel comfortable with that. The third was to not breastfeed at all. I chose the third. The reasoning behind my choice was I felt if I got an infection and had to postpone chemo then what was the point of putting my daughter through the NICU experience if I couldn’t start treatment to ensure time with her.

After each time of having to explain my choice I always wondered why do I feel the need to defend my choice. This is my life and my daughter’s life and I felt I made the best decision for us. I would literally run; well walk as fast as I could after a hysterectomy from the breast-feeding specialist at the hospital I had my daughter at. I understand I was a different case from most but everyone was saying different things to me and it seemed that no one was sure on what they thought I should do. Then I realized why should I waiver on my decision based on someone else’s opinion?

I see tons of articles on why moms should or shouldn’t go back to work. After the article there is always the comments and the fighting. Why should everyone feel they need to defend their decision on staying home or working? Some people don’t have a choice they have to work. Some people just know it is not for them. They would lay their life down for their children but they need to socialize with adults and get out of the house. Some people can make staying at home work and they want to stay home. Shouldn’t we all support each other decisions? Wouldn’t it be easier if we lifted each other up instead of the constant passive-aggressive comments? This mom thing is hard enough without everyone having to defend every single decision they make. Is my daughter going to be a bad person because I put her is disposable diapers? I hope not otherwise me and Pampers are going to have a problem. Are children going to be bad kids because of the brand of bottle we use? Probably not. Will my daughter be crazy because I let her watch Bubble Guppies? Maybe, crazy for Bubble Guppies but in general no.

I can’t say this for every mom but I can definitely say this for myself. I come up with tons of things to worry about all by myself I don’t need any help. Maybe I lived in a dream world when I pictured moms at the park getting along. I really didn’t think it would be a big deal when I pulled out non organic puffs. I know I am guilty of it too. Forming opinions on people or things when I do not have the full story. That’s the thing we never really know the full story. Maybe the mom next to you gives her child generic goldfish because she can’t afford the organic ones. Your neighbor may have to work because she carries the benefits and that darling little one in the car seat has asthma and their inhaler is ridiculously expensive. The mom you see at the library that never has her husband with her is alone because they work different shifts to cut down on daycare costs. The girl at the grocery store that is always alone didn’t want to be but she has no choice because her husband is in the military and he is gone right now.

Let’s do ourselves a favor. The next time you see the mom that is all alone struggling with her groceries; hold the door open for her. When you see your neighbor pulling out of her driveway give her a smile and a wave. When you see the mom at the library by herself say hi. The next time the mom at the playground pulls out her snacks start a conversation with her. We are all here for the same reason; to raise our children the best way we know how. Maybe if one of us starts being positive and trying to understand everyone’s situation we can make this mom bashing stop.

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Life really is beautiful

When life starts to bring you down; look around you I bet you can find something that is beautiful. Whether it be your child laughing, something beautiful in nature or maybe your partner’s smile. You can always find something beautiful around you. When my mind goes to a dark place I look around and always find something that is beautiful to me. Whether I am at home or out and about. Even at work there are beautiful things. Maybe a picture of a great memory on your desk or a co-worker that has turned into a friend stops to say hi. If you take the time everyday to find the beautiful around you in your life it helps you to get through the day. What do you find around you that is beautiful?

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One more minute

Wherever you are in your fitness journey I hope this can give you some motivation

One more minute is all it takes

One more minute leads to another minute tomorrow

One more minute makes you stronger

One more minute makes the next workout easier

One more minute increases stamina

One more minute makes you feel better

One more minute is worth it

Even when you want to give up; go one more minute. The results can be more than you imagined if you add one more minute everyday.

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You don’t have to give up hope

During the struggles of life it is hard not to give up hope. It is actually very easy to give up; but don’t. Please don’t give up hope. Through all of the infertility, loss and cancer I wanted to give up so many times but I didn’t. And now I get to watch my daughter grow up; which at one time I didn’t think it would be possible.

Today as I gave my daughter a bath watching the foam letters float around; all I could think about was how four years ago I really didn’t think this would be possible. All of the little things that I get to do with her that would have never happened if I would have given up hope.

After we lost our son there was still hope. Hope for peace and hope for another baby. We were lucky to receive both.

When I think back to those dark days of chemo there was hope. Hope to be cured and hope to never have to go through it again. So far it has come true.

Whether you hope, wish, pray or do all three keep on. Whatever anyone tells you keep hoping for the best possible outcome. You may be surprised how truly wonderful that outcome can be 🙂

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Find Your Special Everyday

With the Holidays coming to a close there are so many special moments that happened and I would love to just put them in a jar and take them out everyday and relive them. But then I realized that I can and I should. With the monotony of everyday life it gets hard to find special moments or remember them; but I think we could all use special moments everyday to make life better and easier. Ever since having cancer I really try everyday to live life to the fullest. To me just trying to enjoy life is living it to the fullest. Like I have said before; you don’t have to go skydiving everyday to live life to the fullest. Just doing things you wouldn’t usually do or having fun makes life better.

I know it is hard to enjoy life sometimes. You get up, get ready, go to work and come home. Once you get home its supper, clean-up, homework and bedtime. But if you really try you can find special in one of those things. Maybe it will happen when you are making supper and you use a dish that is a family heirloom. I have one of my aunt’s cake pans and it still has her name on it. Every time I use it a flood of wonderful memories come back  and it is so special to me. Maybe it will happen while doing homework with your children. If there is a certain subject they have been struggling with and all of a sudden the light bulb clicks on and they get it; that is special. Every time Avery learns something new; that is special to me.

Even when dealing with loss there are so many special memories or special things that can make it easier. When thinking about my son I always remember the day I found out I was pregnant with him. I will never forget my Doctor telling me I was pregnant. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world 🙂 When I think of him I try not to always think of the loss; I try to remember the good that he brought and still brings to my life everyday. There are also two very important people who are missing from my life. They are my Grandma’s. They are both so special to me in their own ways. When I am missing them or wishing they could have met Avery I also remember all the wonderful things I was able to do with them. I do have some special keepsakes of theirs and it helps me to remember the good times.

There is special in everyday life sometimes you just have to find it. Slow down a little and take the time with the special people and things in your life. Put all of the those memories in your jar and get them out when things get hard. Find your special everyday. Whether it be in a moment laughing with your kids or significant other or a moment that you enjoy some me time. Whatever your special is find it and keep it.

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