Sifitng through the positive and the negative

First off I have to give a huge thank you to everyone who has read, shared, commented and messaged me about my last post. I have had the most views I have ever had yesterday and I was pretty dang close to having a record-setting day on Sunday!! So awesome to see all of the views, comments and shares 🙂 I am going through my emails and notifications as we speak so I am hoping I don’t miss anyone. It was an awesome pick me up on a scan day to see my views soaring. Speaking of my scan I passed with an A+ according to my Doctor 😉 It was awesome news to hear but we had to say goodbye to my Oncologist because she is leaving 😦 She did promise me that my next Oncologist would be as smart and nice as she is so that made me feel better. Another positive on scan day; I saw the absolute neatest thing at the clinic I go to. When we walked in we noticed some nurses and Doctors gathered by the door and we both wondered what was going on. After we checked in and sat in the waiting room I noticed an elderly couple walking from the chemo area into the waiting room. Once they got closer to the staff that had gathered by the door everyone started clapping and cheering for them. Then the gentlemen rang a bell because he had just finished his last chemo!! It was really awesome to see that! Oh did I mention the couple was holding hands? Super cute ❤ Since this is only my second scan at this clinic and I didn’t receive my chemo there we had never seen this before. When I finished my last chemo I received a bottle of sparkling grape juice and a little basket full of info about life after treatment. Some of the nurses that I had stopped to see me before I left. Actually the first nurse to administer my chemo gave me my grape juice and told me she asked to be the one to give it to me because she was so proud of me that I finished my chemo 🙂 All of the nurses really made my last day of chemo a pretty awesome day 🙂 All of the positive thoughts and words were and still are greatly appreciated! It is truly wonderful to see and experience medical staff that truly care about their patients. Thank you to all of you for doing what you do!

You are probably wondering what in the world my negative is. Well, on Sunday we learned that someone decided to go on a shopping spree on us at Wal-Mart in a different state. Blurg. I found out something was a miss at the worst place possible. I was innocently swiping my card at the grocery store and it wouldn’t work. So I had to write out; wait for it…. a check! You know those pre-historic things you have lying around that no one uses anymore?  Except for me at the grocery store on an extremely busy Sunday. Somehow these little nerds living in their parents basements have learned how to steal your numbers and put them on another card to be swiped at any destination of their choice. Well, nerds I hope you get scratched by your fake cards and your mom quits cutting the crust off of your sandwiches! It sounds like we will be getting our funds back it will just take a little time. Luckily my card was flagged so these nerds only got two purchases on us. Oh and I filed a police report so watch out nerds I am coming and I love watching mystery shows. Not the fake ones either but real life so I know what I am doing 😉 Sorry for the use of the word “nerd” but I figured the other words I was using for them were not appropriate for a blog. So in-between lab work, my scan and my appointment I got to make a whole bunch of phone calls. Nerds…. I did get a little time to pick up a super cute Super-Woman t-shirt for Avery. But instead of being an adult super-woman she is toddler sized which makes the shirt even cuter.

One more negative is that Avery and I are in the midst of allergies. So we are both wearing a new perfume called Vicks vapo-rub and our world is very foggy. So if this post doesn’t make sense you can thank Mucinex. I think I am the only person in the world that cannot handle taking allergy or cold meds. The only time I took Claritin I swear I had an out-of-body experience. I did find an allergy med that I can handle taking but I needed reinforcements this time (insert Mucinex and a truckload of Kleenex)

Back to positive. I was thinking for like a week that maybe I needed a small break from y house so even though scan day was coming I was excited to get out of the house. Well that feeling lasted for about an hour because once we got to the clinic I saw a little girl who looked just like Avery and it made me miss her terribly. I guess she missed me too because she has been clinging to me ever since I got home yesterday. As far as she knows I was only gone for 5 1/2 hours because she slept until 8:00 a.m. yesterday but I guess that was long enough for her. I take it Percy missed me too because he has also been by my side since I got home. My last positive is that my labs and scan were clear so I was able to wake up this morning and enjoy a very pretty sunrise. I will post a pic and if you look really close you can see the moon. Again thank you all so much for reading and the awesome messages and comments!!

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Remission Life

You made it. You heard those wonderful words that every cancer patient longs to hear. You are in remission. You passed the biggest test you will probably ever take; and beat the big demon cancer. Now it’s time to celebrate! Hair is coming back, you are starting to feel better and your new normal is coming together. Of course you are still tied to the Doctor with follow-ups, lab work and scans but you are starting to taste the freedom.

The first month after I was told I was in remission was awesome. The chemo fog was lifting and I was really enjoying the rest of my maternity leave. Then the second month came and with that my looming scan was on the horizon. I am not going to lie scan day is awful for me. I am nervous and pretty much feel like I am going to vomit until I get those awesome words. You know the ones that your scan and lab work is good and you are free for another three months.

After two years of remission (yay!) I received another dose of awesomeness. I have now graduated into a six month scan schedule. As long as I am a good girl and get my yearly physical I can do my scans every six months instead of every three. Nice on the anxiety level and the pocket-book.

I may have played down the anxiety regarding scan time. The anxiety starts rearing its ugly head about a month and a half before scan day. There is a lot of me refusing to go to any appointments and coming up with tons of reasons I have cancer again. If you have ever had cancer you know what I am talking about. Your finger can hurt and you think this is it; my cancer is back. In the end I always end up going. Of course I am trying to read the faces of the lab tech and radiology techs. (Like the lab tech knows if my cancer is back by the looks of my blood when it is still in the tube) I am always sure that the radiology tech has seen cancer all over in my body by the look on their face. They are probably just creeped out by me looking at them all of the time but whatever. Then after a couple of hours that creep by like a turtle on its way into town; it is Doctor time. You just know your fate; the cancer is back. Then they come in the room and tell you everything is clear and you wish you would have brought a bottle of champagne and those streamers to celebrate.

Remission is something to celebrate. Not just after a clear scan but everyday. You fought the good fight and you won. You may not know it but us survivors are an example for our fellow fighters still sitting in that recliner getting chemo. They need to be lifted up just like you may have during treatment. So let them know; after surgeries, procedures, chemo, radiation and tons of testing you did it! Now you can call yourself a survivor and they can too. Remission life does have its ups and downs with scary testing and side effects from treatment but you need to enjoy it. Keep fighting through the anxiety and side effects just like you did during treatment. Get out and live life for yourself, your family and everyone out there still fighting. Really no one loses to cancer. Even when angels are taken from us they did not lose. They fought as hard as they could to stay and that is a great accomplishment. Now, if you are in remission enjoy the remission life and get out and live it. Do something you may not have done before treatment or something you have always wanted to do. I feel like I was given a second chance at life and I am going to live it up and have some fun. I encourage everyone to enjoy the remission life 🙂

Why you need to go to the Doctor; even if it is scary

Today was one of the three most dreaded days for me during the year. It was my day to go and have a physical. Ugh. I hate going to the Doctor. Not because I dislike my Doctor or the staff I actually really like them a lot and they are former co-workers of mine. The reason I hate going to the Doctor is because I think I will be told the dreaded words again; “I am sorry I have to tell you this, you have cancer.” I am usually forced against my will to go to the Doctor three times a year. I have to see my Oncologist twice a year for a CT Scan, Lab work and an office visit. Then once a year to my Family Practice Physician for my physical.

It probably sounds silly that I have to be dragged into the Doctor kicking and screaming but it’s true. It usually creeps into my mind about a month before the appointment. Then the assumptions start. I come up with the darndest reasons as to why I have cancer again. After I start assuming then I start bugging those closest to me. “Feel my neck; I am sure there is a lump.” “Look at this spot on my leg that has been on there since I was born.” The list and demands goes on and on. After I have bothered everyone so much that they want to choke me it is appointment time.

Physicals are a little easier on me than scan day. Because during a physical they are probably not going to be looking inside of my body. (Unless they find something suspicious) In preparation for what I was sure would be one of my last days with hair; I spent an hour straightening it last night. Since I have been left with crazy curly hair (which I do like) it makes straightening a hot sweaty mess. After blow drying my bathroom is already a balmy 80 degrees. When you add a very hot straightening iron to that you might as well have a gallon of water and a cold compress on standby. After the hair prep it is on to life prep. Making bills out, cleaning and laundry. I always want to make sure I have my ducks in a row when I find out “the news”  Then it’s a Sprite treat to relax and off to bed.

Scan day is a whole different world. I know they are actually going to be looking inside of me and I am always sure that some type of cancer has developed. Plus I don’t get my coffee that morning and that makes for a foggy and crabby morning. After my scan and labs it is typically a four-hour wait until I get my results. Even though it is an excruciating wait I am lucky that I receive my results the same day. So I will take the four hours over a day or longer. I think another reason scan day is scary is because if I hear the dreaded words again depending on what that entails I could be starting treatment asap. At least after a physical I have a little time to prepare.

Even though these days are scary and stressful they are so worth it. The relief I feel after knowing I am okay is wonderful! I typically have a great day after learning I am good for another couple of months. One of my oncologists said to me “I don’t know why you worry so much; I told you the cancer is gone.” She is right. When we figured out what stage I was (stage 1b) after surgery they said I would be fine with the four rounds of chemo. They called my chemo an “insurance policy”  in case a small amount of cancer got into my blood that they weren’t able to detect. So yes going to the Doctor is totally worth it. Even if I do hear the dreaded words again I have to remind myself that early detection is the key. If you let things go and appointments pass you are really doing yourself a disservice. Get your physical every year. If you feel like something is going on with your body make an appointment. You know your body better than anyone so listen to your body. If you get blown off be persistent until you are satisfied with the answer you are given. You are your own advocate sometimes. If you are lucky enough to have a great Doctor stick with them. Even if you’re a ball of nerves like me and drive your family and friends nuts just remember that they are pretty much forced to listen to you and comply with your demands. Go to the Doctor and get yourself checked; even if it scares you.

You don’t have to give up hope

During the struggles of life it is hard not to give up hope. It is actually very easy to give up; but don’t. Please don’t give up hope. Through all of the infertility, loss and cancer I wanted to give up so many times but I didn’t. And now I get to watch my daughter grow up; which at one time I didn’t think it would be possible.

Today as I gave my daughter a bath watching the foam letters float around; all I could think about was how four years ago I really didn’t think this would be possible. All of the little things that I get to do with her that would have never happened if I would have given up hope.

After we lost our son there was still hope. Hope for peace and hope for another baby. We were lucky to receive both.

When I think back to those dark days of chemo there was hope. Hope to be cured and hope to never have to go through it again. So far it has come true.

Whether you hope, wish, pray or do all three keep on. Whatever anyone tells you keep hoping for the best possible outcome. You may be surprised how truly wonderful that outcome can be 🙂

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Calm?!?!?

To me calm is a pretty tall order sometimes. I am a naturally anxious person but since losing my son and being diagnosed with cancer sometimes it is near impossible. Through it all there are some things that I have learned help me take my mind off of things and I would love to share them with you. I know how it feels to be a ball of nerves and you feel like there is nothing you can do but sit in a pool of worry. Even if you have never been diagnosed with something awful, etc. I know anxiety can be very real so feel free to read 🙂

I have worried about some of the silliest things. Especially since being diagnosed with cancer. Every bump, bruise or weird happening with my body I just know I have some kind of cancer. I have had lung, breast and many others in my mind of course. Here are some examples of my “medical findings” One night I was just going about my business brushing my teeth when bam I had blood in my spit. Automatically I knew I had lung cancer. So for about a week I walked around thinking I had this horrible disease. I finally looked it up on the internet and the only thing that didn’t come up was lung cancer. Well, lo and behold I actually had a canker sore in my mouth and that was the source of the bleeding. A week of my life I can’t get back because of a canker sore. Another silly story is when I was convinced I had breast cancer. I had started working out when my chest became so sore. Instead of thinking the obvious I immediately convinced myself I had breast cancer. After agonizing for about a week husband finally said “Do you think just maybe it might be because you are working out and you have been sleeping with Avery on the couch a lot?” At the same time Avery was getting quite a few teeth and the only way I could get her to sleep was having her lay on my chest. Then I would fall asleep and we would lay like that for a while. I know both of these stories sound silly; but to someone who has had a life threatening diagnosis it is not. I put it to people like this “I never thought I would get diagnosed with cancer in the first place; so why wouldn’t I be scared about every bump or bruise?”  Then when you add in these frightening lab tests and scans you might as well put a nervous nelly name tag on me. I am so thrilled and lucky to say that I only have my big scan and lab day twice a year now 😀 It was wonderful news to receive when I was told I “graduated” to every six months. It was a great feeling until the other day. All of a sudden the thought of my scan started creeping in. Even though I have until March when I go again it’s already starting. Honestly it gets harder and harder to go to every appointment. I had myself convinced that I was going to quit seeing my oncologist because I couldn’t take the appointments anymore. I know stupid idea. Well, husband convinced me to keep going. Some of it was that I did not feel comfortable with my new oncologist because mine left and I really was sick of dealing with the billing department at the clinic I was going to. Let’s just say over the span of four years they over billed us (a lot) and then still called us harassing us for money. So I switched to a different clinic and I love my new oncologist and the clinic I go to! It does make the appointments easier.

When I was pregnant with both my children I wanted to wrap myself in bubble wrap but after losing my son I wanted to put myself on bed rest with my daughter. I did learn life was much easier to deal with if I actually lived it and enjoyed it. It is hard to enjoy your pregnancy after a loss but you have to try. It isn’t fair to you or your baby to not enjoy it. Once you get into the groove of getting ready for that new bundle of awesomeness it does get better 🙂

You are probably wondering when I am going to start chatting about the calm side of this post. Well you are in luck 😉 Some of these tips may not work for you but you are welcome to try any of them. If there is something that you do that works really well for you let me know I am always up for trying new things!

  • Try new things! I started exercising and I love it! You don’t have to enter a marathon but a walk (especially in nature) does wonders.
  • Music, I can’t say enough about it. I pop in those ear buds or turn on my iHome and the stress and worry melts away. Dancing silly with your kids or pets is a must!
  • Pets! If you have a fur ball that you call your own go grab a snuggle. Even though my fur ball can be a meanie at times he has always been there for me.
  • Indulge in a little t.v. This may be a bad habit but I would rather do this then be nervous all day. If I get into a really good show whether it be serious or funny I feel better.
  • Read, Read, Read!! Don’t read medical journals or anything. (Unless they make you feel better) Get into a good book and stay in that world for a little while.
  • Pick up the phone! Call your bestie, parents, neighbor, sibling or whoever will answer. You need people to help keep your mind from going or keep going to that negative place. If it’s family or a besite they are pretty much legally obligated to talk to you so never feel bad for calling them 😉
  • I know I said this before but exercising helps me so much. Whether it be a walk, hike or big workout there has never been a time where I still felt icky or worse after a workout. I promise you will feel better! Better yet grab one of those people who are legally obligated to talk to you and drag em with ya.
  • Get out of the house! I know how it is you really don’t want to be around people when you are anxious but even going for a drive can help.
  • Do some housework. Once I dive into this mess that I call a home the anxiety floats away in my dust pan or cleaning cloths.
  • Don’t be afraid to seek help. If you feel that it is totally out of control and you really can’t handle the anxiety call your Doctor and set up an appointment. Seeing a counselor can do wonders and it is nothing to be embarrassed about. My way of thinking is if someone wants to walk a mile in my shoes and think they won’t feel any worry be my guest. There are many avenues you can travel to get the help that you need.

I know I am my own worst enemy when it comes to this. My brain can really do a number on me so if I can find ways to help me through I know you can too.

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Hair: Before, During and After Chemo

I am going to start this off by saying I am no expert when it comes to hair or lack of. These are just things I have learned along the way that I would like to share with you all. People that know me may laugh at this post because I can sometimes barely brush my hair. But I have come a long way in my 32 years and I can now proudly say that I can curl my hair with a curling iron and straighten it with a straightening iron all by myself 🙂 That is saying a lot for little old me.
This wouldn’t be right if I didn’t begin with the story of how my hair became a messed up, frizzy rat’s nest. It was the fifth grade and in fifth grade everyone wants to be cool. Middle school is coming and you actually care about what you are wearing. (For me anyway, I know now a days kids care what they are wearing in kindergarten) Anyway, the perm was in and I wanted one. Horrible, horrible decision. I was told that after the perm I could only use a pick. Well that didn’t go very well and we ended up brushing the whole thing out. Worst. Idea. Ever. It looked better snarly. Now I was left with a frizzy Afro. Not cool on a fifth grade girl in Wisco. It took years of bad haircuts and product to get it to its natural state. When I say bad haircuts I mean baaaad. I looked like a Amish boy my senior year. Of course I had the haircut for my senior pictures. Oh and the school I went to displays everyone’s senior pics by class in the hallway. Great. I am sure everyone is like “Who is that Amish boy with lipstick on?” Oh yeah I forgot I was wearing a gingham top. Good gosh I am surprised I didn’t have a horse or a pitchfork as a prop. I mentioned before that my hair was kinda my thing before I lost it. It definitely was but it took some time, lots of product and work to get there.
When I started chemo I was lost in the world of wigs and scarves. I hope this helps anyone who is looking for wigs, scarves etc. I have touched on this in a previous post (Chemo AKA Rat Poison) but I want to go more in-depth on the wigs and scarves I received and some tips and tricks I learned. First things first; get yourself a nice hat. I will post pics but the pink one that you can see below is my fave. It is light so you don’t get warm wearing it in the house. When husband shaved my head my scalp was very sensitive and I would wear that hat to bed. It literally hurt to put my head on the pillow. Even if you are brave and go out without a hat I would still get one because it does get cold. I know I would have showed off my head a lot more if I wouldn’t have been left with gray stubble. Kinda weird to think that after my head was shave the thing that kept me from showing it off was my gray. Now that I think about it I wish I would have just went out and about with my bald self. The next item on my list is some good scarves. I so wish I would have gotten more. The most special to me that I did receive was one from a wonderful little organization called Good Wishes. You can find them at http://www.goodwishesscarves.org The clinic where I received my chemo got me hooked up with them. I can’t say enough about this wonderful organization. They provide one free wrap or scarf to anyone experiencing hair loss or thinning hair due to illness or treatment. You pick three different fabrics and they send you whichever one that is available the fastest. They are very nice and fashionable. Of course I got black because you know how I feel about black; black is slimming even when it is your head 😉 I think the very best part about this is when you receive your scarf or wrap you also get a card signed by people who work for Good Wishes! It is awesome! They also have a wall of hope in their office that has everyone’ names, city, date sent and scarf number on plaquards’s. (I just found that out today) When you sign up for a scarf or wrap you tell a little bit of your story so they know a little bit about you. The card is so special to me still. All of the encouraging words were and still are much appreciated. I started looking in my special card box so I could take a pic of it but I can’t find it and looking in my card box started a cry fest so I had to quit for now. I save all cards that are given to us starting with my bridal shower so there is a lot of stuff in there. I received my special card box as a present at my bridal shower from my bestie’s mom. She said when she saw the box “It looked like me” So of course I had to keep it and put special things in it 🙂 Anyway back on task. The last thing I want to talk about is wigs. I have two. One was given to me by the American Cancer Society. It is a nice wig but a little itchy. The second my dad got me for Christmas from http://www.wigs.com; Wonderful wig, it is long and beautiful. It is not real hair but feels close to it. When you do get a wig I suggest getting a cap to wear underneath. Wigs can be itchy and hot and a cap helps. I would also get a conditioner for your wig as well as shampoo. I got the shampoo but not the conditioner. I think I kinda ruined my wigs because they do get snarly and I didn’t have conditioner. I was definitely lost in wig world. I did get some help from a dear friend of mine who wears wigs quite a bit. She was so helpful on what wigs were good and so on.

After chemo I had to wait one month to dye my hair. I went blonde. I guess my thinking was I didn’t want to go brunette because I was left with some stubble and I thought if I went brunette right away my hair would by like “Boom here I am.” Since I am completely gray I had to do something. I know gray is not that bad but I am a little sour about it. “Bitter table for one.” My hair came back completely crazy. It is frizzy and very curly. Some kind of cruel joke is all I can come up with but it’s hair so I will take it. Last night I went to the salon to get my hair dyed. It got me thinking about all of the products I use now and products I used before that I still love and use. They also straightened my hair for me. A major task before I lost my hair and an even bigger one now. I was introduced to this magic brush called the Wet Brush. This brush is wonderful. I have very snarly hair and so does Avery and this thing plowed through my hair like a boss. Usually when I brush my hair you hear lots of ouches, bristles breaking and hair flying everywhere. I picked up a wet brush for me and Avery to share. I want to share a couple other products that work for me and I love and then I promise I will be done. The first has been with me for a long time it is Paul Mitchell Sculpting Foam or as I like to call it mousse. It is worth the money ten times over. I have tried multiple products and I always come back to this one. It works like a charm and smells awesome! The next is Healthy Sexy Hair Soy Tri-Wheat leave in conditioner. Awesome product; I have been using it for a long time and it has never let me down. Another product from Paul Mitchell that I love is Awapuhi Wild Ginger styling treatment oil. I use it when I straighten my hair. Put it on when your hair is wet. You really don’t have to use a lot so it lasts a long time. Last but not least is the hairspray I use. Again it is Paul Mitchell. It’s their Fast-styling sculpting spray. I really like it and it doesn’t make my hair really crunchy. I kinda have to use hairspray now with my mousse because of the way my hair is now. I will post pics of the products I talked about so you can all see what they look like. I also have some pics from my hair straightening process last night 🙂

P.S. I am far from a professional or even good photographer but it’s the best I can do with my camera phone since my cameras pooped out on me so bear with me. I am hoping the tax return fairy bring me a new camera 🙂 Sorry about the format of this post. It’s all messed up because I accidentally deleted it and then had to find it again and blah blah blah bad morning.

P.P.S. I got nothin’ I just always wanted to do a p.p.s. 😉

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Hair in progress 😉 Sorry guy in back round that I can’t get out of the pic
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Hair after straightening 😀
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Back of hair! I had personal trainer take this pic. I think it definitely cemented for him that he has a weird child 😉
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All of my fave products!!
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From left to right: Wig I got from the American Cancer Society, Good Wishes scarf, cap for underneath wigs and pink hat I loved 🙂

 

 

I am sorry to have to tell you this, you have Cancer

Today marks two years since I found out I had Cancer. My official diagnosis is Large Cell NeuroEndocrine Carcinoma of the Cervix. At the time of my diagnosis I was 30 weeks pregnant with my daughter. I had went in the day before because I had some spotting and the Doctor I saw decided to do an exam and he had found a polyp.  I had never had an abnormal pap in my life, no polyps nothing. So I was very shocked to say the least. I honestly can’t remember bits and pieces of the conversation. I was at work when he called to tell me the news. He didn’t have much information for me only that this type of cancer was very aggressive and I was scheduled to see the OB/GYN Oncologist that next Tuesday. (He had called me late on a Friday afternoon) He also told me that I would be having my daughter in two weeks and she would be spending some time in the NICU. Oh and I can’t forget that he also said I would be having a radical hysterectomy.  The Nurse Practitioner that I worked with at the time told me I was breathing really heavy on the phone and by what I was asking she knew something was very wrong. At the time I was working for her and a surgeon in a private office at the front desk. So after I hung up the phone I really didn’t know what to do next. Call my husband, call my parents, call my friends, cry, scream, I just didn’t have a clue. I immediately got mad, I just kept thinking how is this fair, I literally just lost my son almost a year to the date I found out I had cancer. Now I might not live to raise my daughter and I won’t be able to have any more children after this. I just kept thinking this is not fair at all, what did I do to deserve this. So after crying for a little while I went home and told my husband the news. Then I started calling friends and family.

So after a long weekend Tuesday finally arrived. I saw the OB/GYN oncologist and we decided to go ahead and do a CT Scan of my lungs, abdomen and pelvis. We wanted to know if the cancer had spread and with the type I had those are the places it spreads to or starts. Normally I wouldn’t want to do a CT Scan when I was pregnant but we wanted to know if we could wait the two weeks to have our daughter or if the cancer had spread and we had to have her now. The next day I was scheduled to see the OB/GYN Oncologist again, my OB, the Perinatologist (high risk ob), Oncologist, a NICU Doctor and a NP for my pre-op. It was a long day to say the least. But we did get some good news, the results of my CT Scan showed that the cancer had not spread. Actually the scan didn’t pick up anything. So we were happy about that. We learned a lot of things about what would happen in the next two weeks. I learned that you do not have to keep the first Oncologist you see. She was horrible. After learning my CT was good we were is pretty good spirits then we saw her. I asked her what the survival rate was with my type of cancer. She looked at me with a blank stare and said “Some people survive.” That was it; no you had a good CT, you caught it early, NOTHING. Then she proceeds to tell me to go online and read a story about a girl who found out she had my type of cancer when she was six weeks postpartum. After she tells me that she keeps scrolling down the page on her computer and says “Oh never mind don’t read that article.” Ugh she was Horrible!! Did I say that already? Well she deserves two horrible s.  I can happily say that was the first and last time I saw her.

We also found out lots of info on our daughter. She would be arriving eight weeks early and she would be going straight to the NICU after she was delivered. She would come by c-section and I would be awake for that. Immediately after I had her I would be put under for my hysterectomy. We were told that she may have breathing problems, which she did have some. She didn’t get the whole, suck, swallow breathe thing  when she was eating. I was given shots so her lungs would be more developed when she was born. I had another ultrasound of her so they could see about what size she would be when she came. She was big for how early she was. Maybe it was all of the junk food 🙂

I am going to do a little fast-forwarding just because this is getting reallly long. I was lucky enough to have great friends and family that threw a baby shower for me at my house. I originally wasn’t going to have one because I had just had one a year before for my son but they insisted. It was a great night and I got tons of great gifts!

October 16, 2012 my daughter’s Birthday!!!! We were up at 4:30 that morning to be at the hospital by 6:00 a.m. (We live a good 40 minutes from the hospital I was having my daughter.) At 8:27 a.m. Avery Lee was born ❤ She was 5 pounds 4 ounces 🙂 I got to hear her cry and see her beautiful little face and then it was lights out for me.

After I woke up they wheeled me and my bed to the NICU and we got to hold Avery’s hands and see her 🙂 After a short visit I was taken to my room where I would spend the next four days. We were able to go and visit Avery over my hospital stay and it was wonderful 🙂 She was doing very well except for her Bradycardia’s. She would stop breathing every once in a while and then when she started taking a bottle she would stop breathing when she was eating. She is a fighter and full of energy and I think that is why she did so well 🙂

So after four days in the hospital I was able to go home for about 3o min to pack some more things because we were given the opportunity to stay at the Hope Lodge. Some of the clinic staff in the OB department set up for my husband and I to stay at the Hope Lodge while our daughter was in the NICU. They are awesome, wonderful people 🙂 They did it without us knowing and came and visited us while I was in the hospital to tell us the good news! So now we wouldn’t have to do so much driving. The Hope Lodge is free to cancer patients while they are receiving treatment. It is a truly wonderful place 🙂

I started chemo two weeks after my daughter was born. I had a new oncologist and she was wonderful 🙂 I had four rounds of chemo and was declared cancer free in February 2013. I will talk more about the wonderful adventures of chemo later 😉

I was told many times by my Doctors that my daughter saved my life. Which is true but I honestly believe both of my children saved my life 🙂 I of course will not be telling her she saved my life until she is an adult so she doesn’t try to use it as a negotiating tool 😉 Now everyone could say I would go in if I was bleeding but you might not. If I wouldn’t have been pregnant I probably would have thought “Ugh I have my period again?!?!” Then I would have moved on and I probably wouldn’t be here today. So a little advice: go to the Doctor if you have something abnormal happening. DON’T ignore it!! Live life to the fullest everyday!! I know that is easier said than done but it really is just the little things in life. You don’t have to go skydiving everyday to live life 🙂 Listen to your gut. If you have a “feeling” probably go with it. It could save your life 🙂

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Here she is my lifesaver ❤