When we got married almost seven long years ago we of course included those words into our vows. “For better or for worse” “In sickness and in health.” When I said those words I never in a million years thought we would endure more sickness than health and so many hard times. In our marriage so far we have endured infertility, loss and cancer. Usually people endure maybe one or two in their lifetime. We got hit with all three. I feel like we were so naïve when we got married to think we would be able to have kids with the snap of our fingers and just have a “normal” life together. (They never tell you in your pre-marriage classes that really bad things can and will happen)
Most of the time I just go with it. This is our life and we deal with it. But then there are those times where it gets pointed out to me how many things we have been through together. One person said to me “If you guys can make it through everything you have been through together; you can make it through anything.” At first I thought “I can’t even imagine what else could happen.” Then I remembered something can always happen.
When we first got married I never dreamed that my husband would be the one to shave my head when I got cancer. I never in a million years imagined we would have to do some of the things we did when we were trying to have a baby. Between testing and procedures we were willing to do anything to have a baby. I never thought we would have to bury our son together.
From the crankiness on my end from fertility meds to staying by my side in the hospital for two weeks while I was on bed rest. When we lost our son we said we would never do things that we didn’t feel comfortable with. What I mean by that is we always make decisions about him or his things together and if one of us doesn’t feel comfortable we don’t do it. We have stuck with it and it seems to work for us. When I found out I had cancer and our daughter was going to be coming two months early we worked it out and dealt with it together.
I think some of the trick to this whole marriage thing and really life in general is you must have a little humor. Even though there was nothing humorous about the things we have been through some how we always found ways to laugh. Sometimes you just have to step back and let the other person freak out. I had many freak outs while I was going through chemo and dealing with our insurance and billing departments. I am surprised someone didn’t rip the phone out of my hand or the people on the other line didn’t hang up. For the most part husband let me have my freak out and then I would be over it. Not that we have mastered marriage by any means but we have learned a lot about each other and how to deal with each other. I dare you to not learn new and sometimes alarming things about someone when you are locked in a small hospital room for two weeks together. Lastly for the love of God talk to each other. I am not saying you have to have a huge therapy session every week but you need to talk a little. I am not one for talking about my feelings but you kind of have to a little.
From now on I am hoping we have more better than worse and more health than sickness. I know firsthand that isn’t always possible. But now I know we can get through it together.
“Life aint always beautiful
But it’s a beautiful ride.” ~Gary Allan