Don’t Bring Me Down

I can’t help but see the mom bashing on social media, blogs, internet and everyday life. It seems like everyone has an opinion on what everyone else is doing. Whether you are a working mom or stay at home mom we are still moms. Whether you breast feed, bottle feed, cloth diaper or buy disposable diapers we are still the same. It makes me wonder why does there have to be so much tension?

In my eyes everyone has a right to their own opinion. But why do we feel the need to voice it in a negative way. Being a mother in this day and age is hard enough without added pressure from people who are our peers. We should be lifting each other up instead of bringing each other down.

When I chose not to breastfeed I had to explain myself up and down to tons of people. My reasoning was a little longer than  saying it doesn’t work for me or I don’t produce enough milk. I was to undergo chemo two weeks after I had my daughter. I had a couple of options. The first was to breastfeed for two weeks and then stop. With that came running the risk of getting an infection and then postponing chemo. The second was to breastfeed through chemo. I did not feel comfortable with that. The third was to not breastfeed at all. I chose the third. The reasoning behind my choice was I felt if I got an infection and had to postpone chemo then what was the point of putting my daughter through the NICU experience if I couldn’t start treatment to ensure time with her.

After each time of having to explain my choice I always wondered why do I feel the need to defend my choice. This is my life and my daughter’s life and I felt I made the best decision for us. I would literally run; well walk as fast as I could after a hysterectomy from the breast-feeding specialist at the hospital I had my daughter at. I understand I was a different case from most but everyone was saying different things to me and it seemed that no one was sure on what they thought I should do. Then I realized why should I waiver on my decision based on someone else’s opinion?

I see tons of articles on why moms should or shouldn’t go back to work. After the article there is always the comments and the fighting. Why should everyone feel they need to defend their decision on staying home or working? Some people don’t have a choice they have to work. Some people just know it is not for them. They would lay their life down for their children but they need to socialize with adults and get out of the house. Some people can make staying at home work and they want to stay home. Shouldn’t we all support each other decisions? Wouldn’t it be easier if we lifted each other up instead of the constant passive-aggressive comments? This mom thing is hard enough without everyone having to defend every single decision they make. Is my daughter going to be a bad person because I put her is disposable diapers? I hope not otherwise me and Pampers are going to have a problem. Are children going to be bad kids because of the brand of bottle we use? Probably not. Will my daughter be crazy because I let her watch Bubble Guppies? Maybe, crazy for Bubble Guppies but in general no.

I can’t say this for every mom but I can definitely say this for myself. I come up with tons of things to worry about all by myself I don’t need any help. Maybe I lived in a dream world when I pictured moms at the park getting along. I really didn’t think it would be a big deal when I pulled out non organic puffs. I know I am guilty of it too. Forming opinions on people or things when I do not have the full story. That’s the thing we never really know the full story. Maybe the mom next to you gives her child generic goldfish because she can’t afford the organic ones. Your neighbor may have to work because she carries the benefits and that darling little one in the car seat has asthma and their inhaler is ridiculously expensive. The mom you see at the library that never has her husband with her is alone because they work different shifts to cut down on daycare costs. The girl at the grocery store that is always alone didn’t want to be but she has no choice because her husband is in the military and he is gone right now.

Let’s do ourselves a favor. The next time you see the mom that is all alone struggling with her groceries; hold the door open for her. When you see your neighbor pulling out of her driveway give her a smile and a wave. When you see the mom at the library by herself say hi. The next time the mom at the playground pulls out her snacks start a conversation with her. We are all here for the same reason; to raise our children the best way we know how. Maybe if one of us starts being positive and trying to understand everyone’s situation we can make this mom bashing stop.

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20 thoughts on “Don’t Bring Me Down

  1. Soooooo spot on Autumn! The thing is that it is not just mommy hood that women are judgemental about. It is EVERYTHING! We are so mean to one another and we need other women to support each other because otherwise we all feel alone. And that just sucks! It is hard enough to be a girl and go through everything, especially if we can’t feel ok to be ourselves without judgement. Thanks for speaking exactly what is in my mind! Keep up the good work!
    Oh and if Avery goes crazy from Bubble Guppies, My Mason will be just ands crazy from SpongeBob!

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  2. AMEN sista!!! I am so guilty of this one too- and also been the brunt of the judgments.. Let’s just give it all up and realize we are all Moms struggling through this whole thing called parenting. And Praise the Lord we have little ones to raise!

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  3. Great Post! I don’t know how I missed this one but, it’s a really good one! I had a hard time breastfeeding my oldest. My body simply did not produce enough milk, barely any at all actually. We had to supplement every feed with formula and then they wanted to put me on risky medication to make milk. so needless to say after that I was done! I didn’t breastfeed the other two nor did I attempt too and always hated having to try and explain it to people! Eventually I just said I formula feed and that’s that!

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    1. For some reason it’s hard to explain to people the decisions you make or have to make and it shouldn’t be hard. I totally agree with the Ned thing too. I did not want to pass the meds I was taking onto Avery

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  4. I agree with having to try to explain your choices. I wanted to breastfeed my daughter so bad that when I had to stop I actually had a breakdown! I hate having to explain why I stopped breastfeeding because it is also personal. I made plenty of milk, but I ended up with blood blisters and sore nipples and I don’t feel like this is something I have to explain to strangers. Also, I am the mom that is judged in the grocery store. Every time I go to the store I see people looking at my hand to see if there is a ring. My husband works in the oil field, so he is gone for 2 weeks at a time, but I don’t feel I need to explain this to strangers, but I can still feel them looking and judging me. Thank you for sharing.

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  5. Oh this is such a great post! I really feel the same about parenting advise given on one topic or another. When we chose natural parenting approach with our older daughter, I had to constantly defend myself on each and every subject possible. Being hormonal already, that didn’t do any good, adding extra agitation. At first I reacted in the same way, insisting that only this way is the best. It took me quite some time to calm down, relax into the parenting style I chose and realise that it’s oh so personal for everyone and if somebody chooses a different approach – it’s probably working better for them anyways.
    Now with the second kid it’s so different – I do things my way, but I never tell other people to do it the same. We’re all doing our best after all.

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    1. Thank you so much and I agree 100% we should support each other because ultimately we all have the same goal; to raise our children the best we know how. Thanks for reading and stopping by 🙂

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  6. This piece totally resonates with me! Why must we always be negative? Why must we always watch so closely, looking for faults or pointing out differences. It has taken me a long time to realize (still struggle) that it’s okay to have different styles and approaches.

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