When you tell me I can’t

When you tell me I can’t it makes me work harder.

When you tell me I can’t I set my goals higher.

When you tell me I can’t it makes me want it more.

When you tell me I can’t I get more strength.

When you tell me I can’t I perform better.

When you tell me I can’t I will show you I can

Picture by Ryan McGuire

Friday night snowshoeing, Monday morning workout and everything inbetween

I guess you could call this post a “filler”Ā  From what I have been reading you’re not supposed to write “fillers” but I have never been much of a rule follower and I have so much to share so here goes!

First off I joined Facebook!! Not me personally, but my blog! I am amazed at the reception I have gotten. I have 53 likes already and I just joined on Friday! Thank you to everyone that has “liked” my Facebook page šŸ™‚ If you scroll way down to the bottom on the right hand side there is an option to “like” my Facebook page. I am enjoying it so much that I have even considered joining the Twitter šŸ˜‰ We will see because I am still a little confused on what I am supposed to do on the Twitter.

Friday night I was able to try out my new snowshoes! Very exciting and it didn’t result in an ER trip. Personal trainer had been talking about going snowshoeing at night when there is a full moon because you can see and he said it is really cool. So Friday night was our night. Personal trainer arrived at my house around 6:00 p.m. and we started adjusting my snowshoes. It actually took two grown men to do this. In a way I kind of felt like Cinderella but in another way I kinda felt like a dumb ass. Instead of a glass slipper I had snowshoes. Then I realized “How in the world am I going to do this by myself?” I need to get more mechanically inclined? Unfortunately, the clouds didn’t cooperate so we were stuck just walking up and down a small hill at the entrance to the arboretum. I was a little worried that people would think we were crazy for walking back and forth but as far as I know no one pointed and laughed. We did get to enter the arboretum and snowshoe a little but it was kind of dark. I am hoping for better luck next month. Of course I asked a really stupid question “Is there a full moon every month?” I got a yes if anyone was wondering. The snowshoes came off pretty easily so maybe there is hope for me.

Saturday was the day set aside to finish Christmas shopping. I did the full Autumn shopping experience. I drank iced coffee, had supper, got my nails did and shopped for many hours. If I wouldn’t have been by myself I would have indulged in an adult beverage. I know I will be busted by husband when he reads this because I left out the nails part. But shopping got really hard and stressful and I just wanted to sit down šŸ˜‰ Maybe it was the fumes from the polish but they talked me into getting a pedicure and manicure. They also talked me into getting “gel” nails. I am still not sure what this all entails even though they are on me. I am also not sure how to get them off. The gal told me they aren’t fake nails and they will stay much longer than regular polish. She was so right about that. After taking a while off from cleaning I had to cram it all in last night. Not a chip or scratch. Not sure if I will have nail left or just bloody stubs after the gel nail removal. I will keep you all posted as I am sure you are at the edge of your seats šŸ˜‰

Monday morning I decided I better go workout since I unintentionally took the weekend off. Lucky for me personal trainer is on vacation so I can take Avery with me. I hope he is enjoying his vacay as much as I am šŸ™‚ It is so nice to go workout in the morning instead of trying to cram it in after husband gets home. It seems like I am always rushing off after supper to go workout and then when I get home it is bedtime for Avery. Plus it is safer for me when during the day. If you have read my blog before you know things get tricky for me after dark. Anyway after a break from working out I was surprised how much my workout today tired me out. Phew it was a little intense! I had to listen to quite a few “rally” songs to get me going. “Rally” songs are what I like to call songs that get me movin’. I have a couple faves. I am glad I got to workout in the privacy of a home instead of a gym. There is talk of me going back to the gym but I haven’t officially committed. Even though it was intense I feel so much better after working out. I was feeling really sluggish and now I feel great! Except for the nagging feeling that I need a nap I feel great šŸ˜‰

Thanks for reading my “filler” and I promise to have more interesting stuff down the line. Who knows maybe it isn’t a “filler” but I am new to blogging and the lingo so I am going to go with it. Don’t forget my amateur photography!

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Gel nails
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Monday morning workout
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Snowshoeing after dark

What to do when Christmas gets hard

I wish I had the perfect answer or solution on what to do during the holidays when a very important person is missing. Some magical way to take the pain of loss away would be wonderful. Even though I miss my son everyday besides his Birthday, Christmas is always the hardest time. I see tons of toys, clothes and other items I wish I could but him. I wish he was here to help decorate the tree, bake cookies and open presents Christmas morning. But he’s not and sometimes that is a very hard reality. As I have mentioned before when you lose a child you feel like you don’t get do anything for them anymore. While I am out shopping and spending time with Avery I wish there was something I could do for Mason. I want to be able to take care of him but I can’t. So I have to come with ways that make it feel like I am still doing things for him.

For Avery’s two-year pictures I brought Mason’s teddy bear along. Our photographer did an amazing job incorporating the teddy bear into the pictures. When I received my disk of pictures and popped them in the computer I was so happy to see the beautiful pictures. There is one in particular that is absolutely stunning. In the picture everything is black and white except for the teddy bear. Avery is sitting on the ground looking down and the teddy bear is sitting up high like it is looking over her. I like to think Mason does look over all of us and this picture cemented that for me. I just recently made a desktop plaque out of this picture on Shutterfly and I just got it in the mail yesterday. It looks perfect ā¤

Another thing I have started doing is lighting a candle every morning for Mason. I have a candle that is battery operated and you can set it for four or eight hours. Once you set it comes on at the same time everyday. So every morning from 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. my candle comes on. Most of the time I am the only one awake for a little while at that time so we get to spend a little time together before the day starts. It kind of makes me feel like he is here with me.

Going through pictures can sometimes be upsetting and other times can be nice. Since I made that plaque I have been thinking about getting a canvas print of the picture of the balloons we let go on Mason’s Birthday. Today I actually made one and it is in my cart ready to go šŸ™‚ I can’t wait to hang it on my wall. I know being able to look at that hanging on my wall will make me happy for two reasons: #1 I was able to do something for him. #2 Even though his Birthday can make me sad that was actually a pretty good day and the balloon release was perfect.

I definitely don’t have a solution to making the Holidays easier when you are missing a loved one but I hope these help. I hope you can find a picture of a really great day you had together or light a candle and it will make you feel better. Or just talking about the good times; that always helps. I always say only do what you are comfortable with so if you have something that really works for you go with it. If you have any stories to share or things that make you feel better feel free to comment. I am always up for new ideas to try šŸ™‚ I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas!

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Our perfect picture šŸ™‚ Sorry about the glare

 

 

 

A day at the gym and a theft

As you all know I have been on the workout train for over a year now with what I think are some good results. I have a small secret. Today is the first time I have went to an actual gym. (gasp) I usually do something outside or go to personal trainers house for my workouts but since winter is getting to me and I realized it had been a very long time since I had left my house to do anything besides run to the grocery store; I seized the opportunity to go to the gym. Personal trainer had brought up going to the gym a while ago for something new and then I found out they had a toddler area. Perfect than we can take turns working out and Avery will get some socializing. Well the only bad part about this is that I hate the gym. I have gym anxiety? Not sure if that is a thing. I just get so self-conscious going to the gym and working out in front of people. I have never been athletic and the gym is always chock full of people perfectly toned and extremely knowledgeable about the gym equipment. I am neither. I always feel like I am the one panting on the machines and everyone else is just whoppin’ it up having a great time while I am in a pool of sweat. Don’t even get me started on the machines. I am mechanically challenged? Again not sure if that is a thing. You can ask me to type anything for you and I can do it. If you ask me to adjust a piece of workout equipment I will freeze and maybe run away. Last but not least going to the gym makes me feel like I am in gym class and I hated gym class. Everyone staring at everyone else and I never had adequate gym clothes. Maybe it was the lingering sinus infection/flu or the fact I felt my walls in my house closing in on me but I came up with the idea to go to the gym.

This morning started for us at about 4:30 a.m. with Avery crawling over me to get into our bed. She was ready to party to we ended up getting up shortly after she came in. After our morning doings I got our gym bag packed, my best workout outfit and we were off. On the ride over I contemplated on how to break it to personal trainer that I needed to stop at Target for diapers. (Potty training is going so-so; 4 stars) Lucky me he asked if I needed anything and that he would be okay if we left him at the gym to go run errands. Yes! So far so good.

We pull into the parking lot and there is a bus. What the what? This whole time I had been hyping myself up thinking “It’s Thursday, there probably won’t be a lot of people here.” But a bus? Did they bus in high school bullies to laugh at me? Ugh! I reluctantly went inside. Once inside we learned that not only do they have a toddler area but you can leave your kids in there for one hour and someone else will watch them. Awesome! Of course it came at a cost; $4.00 to be exact. I am thinking about opening an alternate gym daycare across the road and charge $3.00 an hour. Maybe I am delusional but $4.00 an hour for a gym daycare seems a little pricey. I was thinking for $4.00 they could have at least given her a bath or something šŸ˜‰

On to the gym. Personal trainer had a machine all picked out for me. It looked really scary. You put your knees on this platform and put your hands up on these lever thingy’sĀ  and then you drop yourself down. I watched him for a little bit and it actually looked pretty easy. Thank gosh something looks easy maybe the gym had changed. So I get on the machine and I just drop down without trying and there is a loud bang. Crap. This machine looks like it will set me back a couple G’s. It didn’t appear to be broken but I did have the attention of everyone that didn’t have ear buds in. We quickly moved on. I found the nearest elliptical and go on. Personal trainer has an elliptical so I figured I could figure out a gym model. It went good but of course I felt like I was the only one panting and sweating through their shirt. I think everyone that goes to the gym should wear shirts that explain their situation a little. My shirt today would have went a little something like this: Recent sinus infection, lack of sleep due to toddler. Then maybe everyone would understand each other a little better. After the elliptical I had a little time to spare so I found myself an ab machine. I read the directions a little and hopped on. I guess I was doing something wrong because a gym employee was standing in front of me after my second crunch. I have blocked out most of what she said because she was very rude; but I guess the weights were “banging” and she told me that I needed to stop before I drove myself and everyone else crazy.Ā  This is why I workout in the privacy of a home or forest. I was going to figure out what I was doing wrong before this woman came out of nowhere. Then she stood by the machine and kept counting every motion I did during a crunch. After she finally got it that I was not happy with her she walked away and I pretty much ran to the locker room and it was off to Target.

Ahh Target my happiest of places. I am not sure how every time I go there I end up spending ridiculous amounts of money when I only planned on getting a “few” things. Anyway, half-way through our trip Avery let me know she was sick of riding in the cart. I found a little doll that she loved and it was only $3.00. I thought win-win I can keep her quiet while I browse and I can throw it in her stocking for Christmas. After check-out and realizing I saved $10 with my Cartwheel app today (score!) I was in a great mood and the thoughts of mean trainer lady were a distant memory. Then I went to put the cart away after I loaded the purchases. I looked down and saw a little baby sitting next to my daughter. Crap I totally forgot about her and she wasn’t on my receipt. Avery’s first theft; mark it in the baby book šŸ˜‰ We did the right thing and returned her. The ladies at the service counter got a good laugh and then we were off to pick up personal trainer.

The two most important things I have taken away from this experience is #1 I am not meant for the gym #2 Don’t give your child toys to “play” with in the store. Bad practice to get into. Personal trainer mentioned another gym that we can go to that is smaller. I will think about it. Another outing in the books.

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Gym items and target merchandise šŸ˜€

 

I still love you

In the middle of the night when you wake me I still love you

In the morning when you won’t get dressed I still love you

When you won’t eat supper I still love you

When you get in trouble I still love you

If you are mad at me I still love you

If I get frustrated I still love you

If you don’t understand something the first or second time I still love you

If I am tired I still love you

Even when I am busy I still love you

Whatever it is good or bad I will still love you. We are all human and make mistakes. We fall down, we get back up. Life has up and downs but together we will be okay. I always want you to know I still love you.

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What if?

What if every insurance covered all prescriptions, procedures and tests?

What if medical bills weren’t so overwhelming?

What if people could afford that one drug that buys them time; time to see their child get married or meet their new grandchild?

What if new research produces a cure?

What if insurance companies rates weren’t so high so people could afford them?

What if the new plan the Doctor comes up with works and you are cured?

What if we all had a little faith and hope?

What if we all believed in our selves and others?

What if?

Storm Clouds Brewing