With all of the trials and tribulations we have been through in the past there is one thing I have learned. Don’t let anyone dull your shine. Sometimes people can be cruel and just downright jerks. I have other words for them but I will try to keep it clean 😉 The second you let someone make you feel bad then they know they have won. People that actually get their kicks off of making other people miserable need to be put in their place. All you have to do is pick yourself up and keep going. I realized people hate it when you do that. Plus it is more effective than yelling or making a big scene. I know this can be very difficult, I have lost my temper many times but it’s not as effective as just lifting your head up, putting a big smile on your face and moving on. Now as a mother I realize this is more important than ever before.
My daughter is with me pretty much 24/7 so she sees everything I do and hears everything I say. Even though she isn’t talking yet I know that she is soaking up all of that precious info. Sometimes it surprises me how much she does soak up. I am trying to be more aware of what I say and do in front of her. Of course I am only human and I probably curse too much, judge people and maybe gossip but the only way I can really teach her is to follow the rules myself. If she sees me judging people and talking nasty all day then that is what she will think is acceptable. (Not that I do those things all day but you get the picture)
Recently someone told me something about my daughter that I did not want to hear. She was present when it happened. It made me very upset to the point I was almost shaking. Even now I can feel my blood pressure rising. It took me a while to calm down and I am still working on it but in the process I realized something. Whatever the situation with Avery is whether it be school, learning, friends, boys or anything else I have to teach her how to handle the situation with a good attitude. I may be upset about what happened but I shouldn’t show it to Avery. I can tell Avery until I am blue in the face to have respect for people and treat them the way that you want to be treated but if I don’t do the same then she will never really learn. Don’t get me wrong I will make sure my daughter doesn’t just roll over and take it but there are plenty of ways to defend yourself with class. I also always want her to know that she is smart enough and has the tools to do anything she puts her mind too.
When I saw my first oncologist she told me that some people make it. I let it really get me down at first. Then I came to the realization I was going to be one of the people who make it and that was my only option. Call it stubborn or bull-headed, but guess what; I made it. I waited way to long to be a mom and be able to bring a baby home with me and I was not going to give that up for stupid cancer. I truly feel it’s your attitude that helps you in every situation. If you have a bad attitude then things may not turn out your way. If you have a good attitude the outcome can be fabulous 🙂 Don’t get me wrong I have my days but I try so hard to have a good attitude.
One of the first times I went out and about without a wig after I was able to dye my hair someone said to me “Are you sure you want to be out without a wig?” Heck yes I did. Wigs are sweaty, itchy and uncomfortable (at least mine was) My response was “I am positive.” I walked away and never looked back 🙂
People judged me because I decided to have my daughter early and begin treatment. Trust me I live with the guilt everyday but I am going to put it to you like the Doctors put it to me “You can have your daughter early and she won’t remember her time and struggles in the NICU or you can go full-term and she won’t remember you because you might not be here if you wait and you’re daughter needs you.” I think I made the right choice 🙂
I also hear the occasional “You should put your daughter in daycare, she would learn so much more.” Hmm this statement makes me want to use some profanity. I don’t judge parents that have to work or choose to work so please don’t judge me. Some people have told me I was being selfish for staying home with my daughter and I was robbing her the socialization she needs. This is another one that makes me go hmm. This is another time that I have to keep my head up and keep truckin’
I may not make everyone happy but you know what not everyone makes me happy either and that’s okay. We are all different, with different opinions and thoughts. If we were all the same life would be so boring. But there is a time to be heard and a time to be silent and move on. There is also a time that you know in your heart that you are right and you know what is best for yourself or your family. Don’t let ANYONE dull your shine. That’s when they win and that’s not acceptable. I am going to end this with one of my favorite quotes from The Help.
Every day you’re not dead in the ground, when you wake up in the morning, you’re gonna have to make some decisions. Got to ask yourself this question: “Am I gonna believe all them bad things them fools say about me today?” You hear me? “Am I gonna believe all them bad things them fools say about me today? You hear me today?” All right? As for your mama, she didn’t pick her life. It picked her. But you, you’re gonna do something big with yours. You wait and see.